Dear Internet,
So,
here it is that we begin. The first item
out of the stack of cards is "The Mighty Peking Man," a 1977 Honk
Kong movie that is unabashedly an attempt at making a giant gorilla film, which
is why it would be accurate to call it "Kind of King Kong in Hong
Kong."
The
plot is pretty straight forward. There
are reports of a giant ape man creating devastation in Indian villages which
are inconveniently located in the deepest jungles. It destroys sides of mountains, entire rows
of huts and knocks down ancient temples like all giant terrors do. A collection of individuals from Honk Kong
University Library decide to find the giant, capture it, and bring it back to
make a fortune. They enlist the help of
an explorer who is found drunk in a bar.
The troop then travel to India on oxen drawn carts to an abandoned
village, which is quickly trampled by an elephant stampede. All of this occurs within the first ten
minutes of the movie. The viewer is
thrown into this maddeningly rapid plot progression so quickly that exposition
is an afterthought. It's not even until
after the elephant stampede that we learn that the main character, Li
Hsiu-Hsien, is only on the expedition to get away from his ex-girlfriend who cheated
on him with his brother. This fact is
forgotten for most of the film until his ex comes back into the picture very
late in the film, but I am getting ahead of myself.
The
miniatures and special effects must be divided into two categories when it
comes to this film. The miniatures are
expertly done to the point where it suspends disbelief instantly. When the giant terrorizes the villagers early
in the film and inevitable destruction of Hong Kong buildings, the molehills of
dirt become mountains let loose by landslides and the plaster models are
concrete skyscrapers cracking under the blows of a raging monster. All the other special effects that range from
the monster's suit and makeup to the abundance of rear projection shots make
this movie groan inducing to a high degree.
The Mighty Peking Man is always conveniently placed behind a building or
mountain when the terrorized people scramble underfoot, a foot that is always
ready to squash. The washed out footage is so recognizable that one must laugh rather
than be scared of impending doom. The
monster's face is more frightening but only because it looks so ugly. A stock gorilla mask is better than what the audience
is forced to look at. But we haven't
even gotten to the leading lady, Internet.
Whilst
running away from the giant horror, our leading man is saved by jungle woman Ah
Wei. Now, I can ignore a number of
things when it comes to this woman among them being that she speaks to animals
and can command the titular. What blows
me out of the water is the number of other inconsistencies with this Jungle
Jane character. She speaks relatively
well Mandarin by sheer chance, she is somehow able to get a large amount of
volume in her hair using who knows what, she has more clichés attached than I
thought possible, and is able to heal from cobra bites with relative ease. That isn't even beginning to discuss what
could possibly be credited as the smallest tanned animal skin bikini ever
made. It becomes only a matter of time
that it fails in its function multiple times throughout the film. Which also brings up the question as to how
did she tan those skins in the first place.
Did she tan then herself, and if she did, how did she know how to tan
them when she ended up in the jungle when she was about ten and raised by the
Peking Man? Let us not even try to
discuss why she is the palest wild woman I have seen. Her hair is platinum blond to the point where
no one else in the entire movie has near as light hair. At one point an APB is placed out for her
when she is in Honk Kong with the description of being clad in an "animal
skin outfit." If they were to just
look for the one blond person in the city it would be faster. Before then, no one even bats an eye at the
fact that she wears next to nothing. She
is even able to ask a random couple getting into their car for a ride across
town, and the couple are perfectly fine with giving her a lift. I guess it is true that blond women get
whatever they want.
"The
Mighty Peking Man" is a bad film due to clichés so numerous that I cannot
even try to list them all. The movie is
such a rip-off of "King Kong" that it is amazing that the film still
stops short of being horrible. The plot
is so laughably predictable that one gains more enjoyment attempting to guess
the next scene than watching the story unfold.
All in
all it should have been skipped. The
only thing that I am really upset about, Internet, is that this is how we start
out this project. The first entry is a
poor man's King Kong with a blond bombshell thrown in for eye candy. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little better,
but that sounds a lot more like a jinx than a wish.
Yours
in digital,
BeepBoop
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